well, if you all have not noticed a huge absence of my presence around here lately, i have.
my partner gave birth to a baby girl at 7:21pm on January 20th. over a week later i am still riding the ever-changing energy of that experience. i am not going to write a birth story right now, or maybe ever - that all still feels strangely unimportant. i am engaging in making the story of her, not writing it. but i will answer any questions that others may have, and give a brief synopsis.
we had a successful home birth!
yet incredibly overwhelming, emotional, and out-of-this-world. i love the human experience more now.
it means the world to me that we were able to have a child born to this land, and only feet away from where i sleep.
my partner Stacey, who i have at times criticized for not having a higher pain threshold, underwent 21 hours of active labor with no painkillers except those produced by her body. i will never, ever call her out again for not being able to handle pain. i’m great at slugging through the brambles in shorts and lapping up the blood. but what she did still amazes me. also, labor started at 10:15pm, so we rolled through the night and a total of 42 hours without any sleep. minimal sleep was had for the following two days.
we did have a close call due to Stacey’s exhaustion. it is a long complicated story, but after hour 18 or so, the midwife decided that we should drive the two hours to the nearest hospital that gave a mother sovereignty over her pregnancy and body. a long adrenaline-filled drive was ahead of me so that Stacey could get an epidural and relax her body enough to finish getting the baby out. it was that close.
as it goes, after i had taken the seats out of our van and flopped a futon in the back, Stacey let out a roar that brought the midwife to reassess. she literally said with joy and a roar of her own, “what did you just do!!??”. she knew the sound that Stacey made meant that her body was now helping push more and that we could try to birth the baby again. that is what we did for the next two hours.
i’ve had a lot of psychedelic experiences, but none of them ever gave me this:
i hope to get back to being a regular around here again soon, but i won’t force it. nothing like life-changing/disrupting experiences to keep you offline and in the real of it. my screen time has been cut dramatically, and that has felt nice.